Re: Poem-The Shrimp Boat-any comments appreciated

Posted by Ken Orabone on May 11, 1997 at 18:21:17:
From usr14ip24.azstarnet.com

In Reply to: Poem-The Shrimp Boat-any comments appreciated posted by Neca Stoller on May 11, 1997 at 13:19:23:

Just some general quick comments while gulping my
afternoon coffee :)
I like the overall feeling the poem conjures. The
images are solid and create a moment.

: Sculpted on the horizon, a shrimp boat-
: the bow appearing, then reappearing;
: as it’s distant, tall mast crosses the salt marsh.

Perhaps the first two stanzas could be condensed into one?
Just a thought.

: Hanging nets, stiff with brine, shape the wind,
: while in the wide wake, a flock of gulls trails-
: so white above the shimmering leakage.

The first line here, especially the thought of the nets
shaping the wind, is very nice.
I don't particularly like 'leakage'-- perhaps just 'leak'
or annother word would work better.

: Docked; but still the cargo hole brims with catch,
: As the sunset slips down through the rigging,
: And the full moon rises to surf the dark waves.

The juxtaposition of the sun/moon and their respective
actions has a nice closure to it.

Well, just a few quick comments... the coffee hasn't
really kicked in just yet, so these thoughts are just
off the top of my head after my first reading.
Hope it helps.
Ken

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Follow Ups:

• Re: Poem-The Shrimp Boat-any comments appreciated Neca Stoller 20:10:13 5/11/97 (0)